Feb. 22nd, 2006

Holidazed

Feb. 22nd, 2006 01:18 pm
seeaef: (Default)
Some days I wonder why I'm here.

I should feel lucky.
I miss people at home.
Sometimes I wonder ..
what it would be like to go back and stay for a while?
Would I feel stuck again? Would I lose what I gained?
Maybe I'm just not seeing my situation as it is.

I feel like I've been on an extended vacation for quite some time now.
I have no sense of where home is.
I think I have gotten used to feeling like I'm in limbo.
That is where I've made my home.

I crave old friends, the country side and fresh water lakes.
And there it is.
Once there was the make-do-ocean-view
that from time to time now gives way to a river, or a stream.

3 months of music left.
Then the summer starts and I'll find hope in the warmth of the sun and the sand again.
I have experienced all of the seasons here.
Something I've never done anywhere else.

But still, I miss that coffee shop.
That pretty much sums it up.
From what I hear, it isn't the same, it has changed.. or has it?
I don't know, I would like to see.
How I hate disappointment.
People there have changed too,
some have moved on,
some have moved out,
some are in the process of moving out,
some don't know why they are still there
and want to get out with no idea how.
Some are numb in their environments,
some are making the best out of life.
Some are anxious for the next economic explosion,
some think the end is near and they'll die in a sudden blast of terror.
Praise Jesus. But never GOD.

Time is certainly more of an illusion now than ever before.
Time doesn't answer any questions, it only presents questions in a way
in which we think time will eventually answer.

Love has a stage, but no one is auditioning for the play.
All the writers have gone home.
The best actors have gotten their big break.
The extras went back to what they were doing before..
whatever that was.
Love had a soldout show from 1995 to 2001.
What happened?
I tell myself, you aren't him anymore.
He melted in the heat, was buried in the snow.
In Spring he grew out of the ground
only to have his petals grow so big
he fell over and the wind carried his essence
to the west.

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