seeaef: (Default)
I've been reliving puberty through music. It started years ago wiith Janet Jackson's Control album and ended with Madonna's Erotica album. I'm happening upon all this music from the past and really, it brings eveything in perspective. Wow... talk about such a secret life then when no one knew the REAL me. Times then, I felt I was living a lie and telling lies to cover up all those things I didn't want people to know. Facts I was too embarassed and scared to reveal, even to myself. It seemed all so complicated then. Now, I think it helps to remember where I've come from. Now, it's so easy to be me and I wonder how the hell I survived being in my own personal hell for so long with no one to talk to. That was 8 years... 8 years!! of repression, lies, me hating myself and feeling worthless.
So... I hid in the music, the music I was making, singing, playing and the music I was listening to.

Gay Pride is next weekend. It's funny, I've never felt so prideful before. It was always a fuck the government kind of mentailty. Now it seems to be personal. I am thankful, for one.. that I am still alive and two.. I have great friends. I'm also thankful that I am in a place where being yourself is actually a healthy thing well... for the most part.

Date: 2006-05-27 10:14 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
at my job they play 80s "oldies" and janet is a constant. i get to relive 7th grade all over, all day. and control was the first album i ever bought. er, make that cassette. michael jackson's thriller was my first album.

and you're going to miss the wonderful softball game, lesbians vs. gays. i'm sure you're kicking yourself. ha.

Date: 2006-05-27 10:14 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
that is the softball game in little rock. oops.

Date: 2006-05-28 10:26 am (UTC)From: [identity profile]
damn... all the gay games start when i just left. *sigh.

Date: 2006-05-28 10:25 am (UTC)From: [identity profile]
Control was one of the first for me too... except it was from BMG music and i never paid them. that's what they get for tempting minors :)


Date: 2006-06-10 02:02 am (UTC)From: [identity profile]
where do you reside these days?


seeaef: (Default)

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