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I've been reliving puberty through music. It started years ago wiith Janet Jackson's Control album and ended with Madonna's Erotica album. I'm happening upon all this music from the past and really, it brings eveything in perspective. Wow... talk about such a secret life then when no one knew the REAL me. Times then, I felt I was living a lie and telling lies to cover up all those things I didn't want people to know. Facts I was too embarassed and scared to reveal, even to myself. It seemed all so complicated then. Now, I think it helps to remember where I've come from. Now, it's so easy to be me and I wonder how the hell I survived being in my own personal hell for so long with no one to talk to. That was 8 years... 8 years!! of repression, lies, me hating myself and feeling worthless.
So... I hid in the music, the music I was making, singing, playing and the music I was listening to.

Gay Pride is next weekend. It's funny, I've never felt so prideful before. It was always a fuck the government kind of mentailty. Now it seems to be personal. I am thankful, for one.. that I am still alive and two.. I have great friends. I'm also thankful that I am in a place where being yourself is actually a healthy thing well... for the most part.
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seeaef

February 2007

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