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I woke up this morning, stepped out onto the balcony and noticed the city in dense fog. The perfect Monday morning and it was a stunning visual of how I felt. I've acquired a lymph node disorder of sorts and the fluids behind my ears and in and beneath my jawline aren't draining properly. The weather has a lot to do with it, when it's raining or when it's really foggy like this morning I sit in one spot and massage my face until all the tension goes away. It's not incredibly painful, except for the occasional earache which too has to be massaged out. I suppose some people can smell the rain coming. I on the other hand can feel it.

Got to work and did my usual route. It was odd.. everyone seemed to be double parked, cutting me off etc. and I was starting to think it just wasn't going to be my day. That is until I got to Felton and there I stepped out of the van and saw an old lady struggling to get her keys in the ignition to start her car. She asked for my help and in doing so we sparked up the most interesting conversation. She's 84 years old and from Scotland and moved here many many years ago. Her first job was working at K-Mart making 50 cents per hour. Now retired, she then started to cry stating how lucky she felt that at her age she could still drive around, walk, do her own shopping and carry on a conversation. I was deeply moved on many levels. I talked about my grandmother in the nursing home and as the conversation ended, I coached her on backing out because she couldn't see around this other truck and she left. I felt a deep connection with her, so strong that I am still wondering where that all came from. I drove off wondering what I will be like when I am 84. I watched the movie Wild Strawberries last night made in 1957 by Igmar Bergman which had everything to do with this old man and his thoughts about dying and I wonder what is going on with my connection to old people at the moment and what the universe is trying to spell out.

This evening I got some Lotus incense, a black and a white candle and sage. After talking to the owner of the Sepents Lair, a witch shop downtown, I learned she needed some help in running her store. This is the same store I went to a couple of weeks ago. Possibly in the next few weeks I will be helping her out by being a cashier and running things part-time while she is doing readings or so she can have a day off. ** Yes, I'm fully aware of these commom yet extraordinary themes. What the hell is going on?! This is totally insane and although my past tells me to be careful I also know that I am dealing with totally different people who have survived the downtown scene for years. Maybe my experience at Spirit's Landing is actually paying off. Who knew?! *throws hands up.

-A waitress expressed having a crush on me at a local mexican restaurant tonight. She even told her fellow waitresses. How can you tell a girl the only way you like fish is served on a plate with lemon butter and garlic? So basically, it's just like dealing with a guy you have no interest in.. just don't look them in the eye, don't elaborate on any given topic in conversation and above all, leave the normal amount for tip and get the hell out of Mexico.

*rebought To Venus and Back and purchased Welcome to Sunny Florida. Oh what Bliss!!!!
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-me driving the van, eating, and taking a pic. hint: drive with knee (do not try at home).

-i pass by this place 3 times a week. it's the haunted hotel... yay!

-the creek running through the dining room at the hotel and the place where the ghostly girl is usually seen. she drowned in that creek. i was secretly wishing for a sighting with no such luck.. unless you see something i don't. *dink!

-outside, where the creek runs out of the hotel.

-the side of the hotel.
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I was driving today and got stopped at an intersection by protests in the streets. I finally made it to work and my boss said I didn't have to work and I could go join the protests if I wanted. So I did. I caught up with the crowd several blocks later on my bike. I walked, pushing my bike through the crowd and through the streets of Santa Cruz for miles while chanting and clapping. The most amazing part was when we came over the hill, I had no idea there were people already downtown waiting for us. So here I am in a parade of countless people and when the downtown crowd saw us cross over the hill they yelled and played their drums for us. It was totally amazing, I got chills. Then everyone from downtown joined us and we all headed to the park. It's estmated there were over 3,000 protestors but I think there were hell of a lot more. This thing went for miles. I was glad to take part.
*This is what the protest here looked like today.

After all this was done I rolled up my pants, took off my shirt and jumped in the ocean. It's the first day it has been warm enough for a swim.


Apr. 24th, 2006 04:48 pm
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*Is anyone using a Mac and can tell me how to actually insert LJ user links? Since I got the Mac I don't see that option anymore.. just curious.

To downsideofgrace.. yes that's THE haunted hotel, Brooksdale (I think) you were thinking of. I passed by there again today. The flier says that in the 40-50's the owner's daughter drowned in the creek that runs through the hotel. Apparently, people have seen this girl in a pink dress dancing across the lobby. I was running a little late today and didn't get to investigate. Also, loads of famous people have stayed there like James Dean and Shirley Temple once lived just down the road from it. *They also do weddings At least you wouldn't need a flower girl. haha. Just keep Biffah away from the creek.

I've been in movie mode lately, which is unusual. I recommend (I forgot who the writers/directors are) the following:
-Dreams, a movie by a well known asian director who made 8 short films about these dreams he had. Fantastic, beautiful and creepy!
-The Sacrifice, originally in Swedish (I think) with English subtitles about this man who makes a deal with God to protect his family during war.. this leads him to a witch and then he goes completely nuts. It starts out a little slow but is fucking amazing.
-I was going to put another one here.. where is my memory today?! ummmm... yeah.

I had a total flashback of Spirit's Landing today as I entered this pagan store on Pacific Ave. It must have been all the combinations of incenses around with an overpowering smell of frankincense and myrrh. I got 2 candles, one white, one black and some sandlewood. The owner does readings behind some fabric that's hanging in a doorway in the back. I got some really good vibes off the place and the girl behind the counter was exceptionally talkative.

*I'm seeing Lisa Dewey in concert this Wed in Santa Cruz., at the Crepe Cafe. She's from San Jose. If anyone wants to go hit me up! You can listen to her on my myspace profile page. I would insert a link here but .. see above. arrg.

-Currently, I'm leaving the cafe to go buy some acrylic paints. It's been a LONG time, over a year since I've done any artwork. I'll post a pic of it/them when I'm done.


Apr. 12th, 2006 09:39 pm
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Maybe I'm going slightly mad but.. I keep seeing people that look like people I know from Arkansas. In fact, these people have a twin in Santa Cruz:
-Michael Whitfield (who is sitting across from me now giving me the eye.. this is so fucked up!)
-Jeremy Burns
-Kathy, a lady I used to work with but her twin is a man.. scary I know.
-that guy with the big bass tattoo on his chest, forgot his name.. but yeah that guy
-a guy who doesn't look like Cory but has his exact personality.. he's also in theatre
-Ashton, without a gun *laughs

That is all for now.. if I see your twin I will let you know.
This is what happens when you drink too much coffee.

*In other news.. Hi my name is Craig, I'm a nicotine addict (HI CRAIG!). I've put myself in an online smokers rehab courtesy of the American Lung Association. This shit really works!! But currently, it doesn't help me in my craving for fried chicken.
Step #1 : All I want is grease and cigarettes.


Apr. 9th, 2006 06:42 pm
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thanks to nonewwitticisms for the suggestion!
Wikipedia says:

My birthday September 22:

1692 - Last people hanged for witchcraft (Salem witch trials) in the United States.
1862 - Slavery in the United States: A preliminary version of the Emancipation Proclamation is released.
1994 - Friends premieres on NBC

1722 - John Home, Scottish writer and Diviner
1958 - Joan Jett, American musician

1828 - Shaka Zulu, Zulu leader

*this explains a lot*


Apr. 5th, 2006 11:17 pm
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Today at sunset I walked to the beach. I stayed there sitting on a cliff for hours. At nightfall the ocean and the moon was magical and I laid down to stare at the sky. I learned that you can give the ocean all the things you don't want and receive not only knowledge but a clear head and heart in return. It's beautiful to see the ocean turn from blue to black. When the moon lights it up and the tide gets higher the mysteries of my own personal life seem to unravel.. I notice that when it is black it looks deeper.
Most of all I'm glad I have this place within walking distance, in fact I surprise myself that I'm even here at all.
I have found a spot that will become my regular writing place and I can't wait to see what I'm going to come up with. But overall, it's nice to be there and do absolutely nothing but look and listen and observe.
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Random pics from Long Beach to Santa Cruz:

On my way up north, up on the Ventura...

I made friends with this guy for 12 hours. He seems like he had a hard life. He got off the bus in Salinas.

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I'm trying to remember what we did last year. Was that when Stratton made that cake with the rose petals on it? Ah.. so anyway. You are 29, how do you feel? I find it's such a relief to have you join me in such a transitional age. Not sure why, but yay!!!!!! you made it! Pat yourself on the back for royally passing through your twenties (well mid twenties) gracefully. So what.. tonight.. no Carlo Rossi?

Long Beach

Mar. 25th, 2006 08:37 am
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I made it into Long Beach at 6:30 this morning. It was a rough ride. Not to mention that in Fresno the bus was 2 hours late, but I somehow made it here on time. I swore years ago that I would never take Greyhound again, but.. whatever, I'm here. The thought of leaving Cupertino didn't actually set in until I was rolling through L.A. at 5 this morning and I was staring at the Capitol Records building. It was nice. I was in the front of the bus watching the road and in my stomach I felt this tug and pull like there was a cord attached to me that was saying.. you made the right choice, congratulations! It was an odd feeling to describe, one of comfort, excitement and strangely enough being content. I've always hated L.A. for no other reason than the smog and I thought it was really dirty. But actually going through there and coming to Long Beach it all made sense. It didn't seem so wrong.

I did meet a lot of interesting people. I talked to this one lady name Nora who is a social worker and we were comparing notes on homeless and disabled people. I talked for a while with an ex Marine (who was hot) who was telling me about his heart and that it only beats 38 beats a minute. He said doctors haven't been able to diagnose him. He is off to Arizona. I wish him well.

It's great seeing Michelle and Nadia!! How I've missed them.
Currently, I have to catch up on some sleep while they are gone so later we can go out on the town.
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Today I worked on remixing some songs I've written. They weren't initially planned for electronica so I'm trying to take bits and pieces and compose it all in a classical composer's mindset. So far so good.
One of the songs is called Nocturnal Breed which totally rocks. Even I would dance to it. In the same song I pulled out a couple of "This one's for you Liz" several times. You really can't understand what I'm saying unless you know already what the words are. *dink! And most likely you won't think it's funny or cool unless you were in the car discussing what we were discussing that day. Forget about it.
My iBook has turned out to be quite the recording studio. Everything sounds great, even when I'm just recording guitar which I am starting tomorrow. I figure you aren't really selling out to techno as long as it's artful beats. I love having multiple vocal lines and I've been drawing (in my head) from Tori's Choirgirl for inspiration just for those layers. It's all a lot different than just pressing buttons and knowing what goes where. Plus, it eats time away. I spent 4 hours on a song that was 3 minutes long. That's longer than I have practiced for any aria (except Rossini.. I love you) in one day.

The new Tori (some old) videos were inspiring. Especially the commentaries and my favorite part is when she comments on Talula (I think that's the one) when she says... I have no idea what this video is about. Classic. I've always hated that video. Who knows, maybe it's just over my head and hers. But cutting plastic with a torch? Naaaaaaaaay I say!

Today it sleeted and snowed here and I missed it. Honestly, I don't care. Most of the day I just kept to myself. I find that being at camp requires that I have to make more time for myself, more than I usually do.

In less than a month I will be in AR. for 2 weeks. Everyone who knows me knows that everytime I go to Conway it's a big drama trying to figure out where I'm going to stay to see the people I know. It gets very tiresome. I don't like having the feeling of forcing people out of their routines nor am I content with being a nuisance . So I think I've decided to stay in a hotel there for a couple of days if I have the money. Or not.. I dunno. Maybe I'll invite some people over and we can get drunk, catch up on old times and trash the place. Then again... I don't remember the going rate at Economy Inn or the Super 8. I'll have to check on that. I will be flying into LR airport and I'm looking for someone to pick me up and take me to Conway or to hang out in LR for a couple of days. I'll keep touch!
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Today I took my friend Krishna out shopping. It was actually me shopping with him tagging along looking for the best phone card he could find to ring up Nepal. We then went to The Bombay Oven where I watched him relive some part of his past through his sense of taste. Feeling good I then introduced him to the evils/goodness of Starbucks in which he promptly threw his venti coffee in the trash. Secretly I was thinking... save that shit for later bitch! oh well.

I got the Fade to Red Tori Amos video collection. I'm saving the moment to watch it when I open my bottle of Jack and my 6 pack of IPA's.
I also stumbled upon an album I've been looking for. Thanks to for introducing me to deadboy & the Elephantmen. I got the album they put out last year called We are Night Sky. Kudos to a band that makes awesome music out of Oxford, Mississippi. Who would have thought I would find them in Los Altos, CA.? The lead singer (Dax Riggs) has a voice like hot sex on a platter.

Today 2 inches was cut off of my hair. I hate those moments when you sit down in the chair and you examine yourself for new silver hairs and.. yes keep the side burns, yes I know it's getting thin up there and no I don't want gel, no I don't want hair color, no I don't want the the $25 bottle of shampoo that makes your head tingle. Gone are the days of Wild Hair, hello Super Cuts.
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I went to get my license but as it turns out I need my birth certificate. bummer. Santa Cruz will have to wait at least another week.
It's official, my tickets are bought to see to Yeah Yeah Yeahs on the 29th of April. dink!

I've been working and sleeping a lot. I have books to read that I've yet to open. I'm glad to be going home next month to see everyone. If anything, just to have some time to rest. Lately it seems time is pushing things along at a rapid rate. I wonder where the days go and I think I should write more music, write more letters, make more calls. Inspiration comes and goes. If only there were more hours in the day.

The moon tonight is in Libra. I went out to have a look and there's a massive ring around it. The sky was huge and all I could do was absorb whatever was there and take a deep breath.
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For the last 2 days I've been in a chocolate frenzy/attack.
All things chocolate:
cocoa mix
cake icing
ice cream
dark chocolate covered espresso beans
(i can't stop!!)
Spicy Chai and Guayaki tea to wash it down.

-Tonight I saw a deer for the first time since the beginning of January. A deer that has undoubtedly survived the harsh conditions and the predators.

Big storms have been coming through. But, today was absolutley beautiful. Tonight, I hear thunder and the wind has picked up another storm. Everything outside feels so clean. I was inspired to shower and do laundry!

*I have made it through Feb. alive!!*

I've been having a lot of those daydreams where I have a flashback to a childhood memory and I play out this emotional scene in my head. It's very strange. It's also funny how selective long term memory decides to drop a bomb on you. I wonder what part of me needed to be reminded of what was lost.
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It seemed liked a very short weekend. Maybe it was because I was so tired while having so much fun. It was another respite weekend with the kids. These kids are amazing! I grow to love them more and more every crazy weekend they come here. It's usually the same group of kids, the same ones that have been coming to camp once a month since October.
This weekend's theme was the solar system, which I haven't studied in years. Yes.. I had to study. Not to mention I knew for a fact that some of the staff were taking Astronomy at San Jose State and various other places. For my own music programs it was difficult to integerate the solar system theme in to my plans. Seeing as how not much music and or drama really occur on the outer edges of our galaxy. Except, for those rare recordings of outer space which let's face it.. it's mostly air. The only drama I could think of was the Alien movies and possibly the drama of UFO's. In the end I decided to teach how to appreaciate beauty in the vastness of our universe by relaxing our senses. To feel how distant we really are from say.. Pluto. Then I went into cool facts.

Next we discussed getting them all new acts for the Talent Show. Most of them have been doing the same acts since I saw them last summer. The show had a new energy flow this time. People were trying new things and were being challenged to find creativity within themselves. I've learned that for the vast part of the human race, not in just disabled people but in all people alike and no matter how well educated they are everyone needs some sort of creative direction through creative guidance. Mainly, from an outside source in order to go further and find an inner voice. Having that exchange in energy benefits each person.
In all, just keeping things real and fun.

I went to bed at 4 p.m. yesterday and woke up at 4 a.m. today.
Since 4 it has been cold, windy and raining.


Feb. 22nd, 2006 01:18 pm
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Some days I wonder why I'm here.

I should feel lucky.
I miss people at home.
Sometimes I wonder ..
what it would be like to go back and stay for a while?
Would I feel stuck again? Would I lose what I gained?
Maybe I'm just not seeing my situation as it is.

I feel like I've been on an extended vacation for quite some time now.
I have no sense of where home is.
I think I have gotten used to feeling like I'm in limbo.
That is where I've made my home.

I crave old friends, the country side and fresh water lakes.
And there it is.
Once there was the make-do-ocean-view
that from time to time now gives way to a river, or a stream.

3 months of music left.
Then the summer starts and I'll find hope in the warmth of the sun and the sand again.
I have experienced all of the seasons here.
Something I've never done anywhere else.

But still, I miss that coffee shop.
That pretty much sums it up.
From what I hear, it isn't the same, it has changed.. or has it?
I don't know, I would like to see.
How I hate disappointment.
People there have changed too,
some have moved on,
some have moved out,
some are in the process of moving out,
some don't know why they are still there
and want to get out with no idea how.
Some are numb in their environments,
some are making the best out of life.
Some are anxious for the next economic explosion,
some think the end is near and they'll die in a sudden blast of terror.
Praise Jesus. But never GOD.

Time is certainly more of an illusion now than ever before.
Time doesn't answer any questions, it only presents questions in a way
in which we think time will eventually answer.

Love has a stage, but no one is auditioning for the play.
All the writers have gone home.
The best actors have gotten their big break.
The extras went back to what they were doing before..
whatever that was.
Love had a soldout show from 1995 to 2001.
What happened?
I tell myself, you aren't him anymore.
He melted in the heat, was buried in the snow.
In Spring he grew out of the ground
only to have his petals grow so big
he fell over and the wind carried his essence
to the west.


Feb. 15th, 2006 10:09 pm
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It was warm now it's cold. Am I in Arkansas again? This weather is fucked.
I am proud of myself for saving money. What to do with it is the real question. A new laptop is first on my list. I think I'm getting an apple ibook. I'm undecided about a vehicle at this point. I'm contemplating a move to Santa Cruz, not sure yet. But a girl I know has a house there with some vegan roomates. She said everyone wants to move in her house that goes to school there and that I would fit in perfectly with her roomies. Best of all rent is $420 which is unheard of AND it's a house. Just thinking here.. nothing set yet. But living there wouldn't really mean I need a vehicle, just a HEY BITCH I NEED A RIDE... service.

-I missed Biffah on Monday... damn it!!! (LJ is fucked up so no pretty blue color). Sorry dahling I will see you very soon.
-SHOUT OUT TO MARTIN!!!! Quit reading this shit incogntio and get an account. yo moma is on crack rocks or whatever the hell it is.
-Today I met two people from Nepal who are volunteers. Later in the week when I get my CA. driver's license I will be showing them around the city and what not. Me + Nepalians(?) + van = somebody is getting drunk. Which reminds me I need a corkscrew.

-I wish I could be like Carrie from Sex in the City and set up a bridal registry because I am marrying myself. Which is sort what I did for Valentine's Day. I thought I would do something out of the ordinary. So I went to Palo Alto to the Tower records there. Thought about buying some porn but... where the hell is all the gay porn? Gay people need love too ya know.. well porn that is. And WHY are all the porn dvd's in the Classical section right next to The World's Greatest Tenor Songbook and Handel's Messiah?! Dear Tower Records... get a better selection of material.. Anal Empress just doesn't work! And besides.. who do you think is buying up all that classical music? It ain't the straight jock who just came from the gym. On behalf of all gay musicians in the Bay Area.. get some balls damn it! No man wants to watch pussy when he's listening to Schuman. geez! So I didn't get any porn. Instead I got Odetta"s Ballad and Blues. This cd is totally amazing..I mean I never knew she was so awesome and idolized by Janis Joplin (who was inspired to sound like her) and Bob Dylan and many many other people. I'm glad I found her. I'm also glad she wasn't anywhere near Busty Babes do NY.

-Blake is in AR for 2 weeks. It's weird being here dealing with everyone by myself.
-I HAVE to quit smoking. yes, you might ask... indigocraig.. why have you tried so many times and you still smoke? and I say.. shut the fuck up and give me a cigarette and quit asking me these damn questions. I try, I really really do!!!!! obviously, not hard enough and somewhere inside me is that self-control button that is possibly stuck and won't budge or I just haven't found it yet. I need help! bad! sigh.... I will keep you posted. Maybe if I log more entries on LJ I will have something to do with my hands. Then you all can read about my darker side of life. As for now.. gotta go smoke.

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create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

thanks to you know who for the map :)

I've been working a lot as of late. I went into San Fran on Monday and ate at cafe Gratitude which was the best vegan food I've ever had. I got two slices of pie (coconut and lemon cheesecake), 2 glasses of organic wine and a veggie burger. Later I went out with friends to have Indian food. By the looks of it most of my paychecks are going to exceptionally good food establishments. But it's sooooo good!

This week I have my friend's truck. It's a huge HUGE Chevy Blazer with spotlights on it. It makes me feel like short man with an ego complex when I drive it. It's like driving a tractor with a cd player and awesome to drive.

*Yesterday I bought a guilty pleasures cd that I'm still too ashamed to admit.

I'm hoping to see Biffah some time this week. Dunno yet what is going on with all that.

-My sister and my step brother are both getting married this year. Leaving me now.. the only one in the family not married. Perfect! That will make holidays SO much more than all the rest.
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In a few moments I'm going into San Fran to play.
I had a great weekend. I rekindled my love for musicals :)
I got a raise in both of my salaries confirming yet again I am where I'm supposed to be.(*Thanks)

This summer my job will change from Rhythm and Drama Specialist to Office Manager. This is due mainly inpart of the fact that I would like to see someone else's work for a while and to see what I can learn from them. It will also give me a break so I won't get burn-out on something I love (music) so much. In other words, I'll be the office bitch :) But unlike last summer, this summer my job will start at 8 a.m. and end at 5 p.m. (unlike last summer when I was working from 7 a.m. until 10 p.m.).

I will also be a sort of tour guide. I'm getting on the company insurance and I will be picking people up from the airports, planning trips out on the weekends and long trips over the course of a few days. As in, going to Yosemite, Big Sur or going clubbing etc etc. In short, I will be my own party planner and will get paid for doing it! It looks like this summer is going to be even better than the last.

We are starting the hiring process next week for the summer. If anyone is interested in any job opps let me know ASAP.

Congrats to Biffah for getting here safely.
I send my love and peace to all back home in da souf.
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